Another "valuable" study

If you want to get ahead in life, my advice to you is to head to your nearest shoe store and stock up on sneakers. Hey, I know it sounds crazy, but the online ad network Mindset Media has released a study, in connection with Nielsen Online, that says people who buy more than three pairs of tennis shoes a year are 61 percent more likely than the average Joe to have leadership qualities. According to a PRNewswire report, the study found those who buy more sneakers also are likely to be very assertive and very spontaneous. I apparently have missed the boat here. If I buy one pair of tennis shoes a year, it's a big year for me. I currently have two pair - one for yard mowing and the other for casual wear. Put those together with my single pair of Crocs and two pair of what I generously call "dress shoes," and you can see that I don't spend a whole lot of time picking out footwear. The missus, on the other hand, must be one helluva leader. She may, indeed, be the Imelda Marcos of Hopewell Township. I'm pretty sure she has more shoes than I have underwear, socks and pants combined. My theory has always been that since one can wear only one pair of shoes at a time, it doesn't make sense having a bunch of them just lying about. But then, I apply the same policy toward blue jeans. I have one pair. I launder them as needed and replace them when I bust the crotch out of them. It's not that I have an overly active crotch. It's just that when a fat man bends down, that seems to be the point where the trousers say, "Enough, already!" But I digress. I would like to address the three points of the study. First, the assertion that people who buy three pairs of tennies a year are leadership material. My guess is that someone who would buy more than three pairs of tennis shoes a year is someone who already is in a leadership position and has the wherewithal to waste money on shoes. Second, the claim that frequent sneaker buyers are very assertive. Maybe it's possible that they're just look-at-me, status-conscious pains in the ass, the kind of people who are blabbing on cell phones while driving their SUVs and then flip you the "bird" when they cut you off in traffic. And then there's the spontaneity. My take: "Oh, look, shoes. They're $100 a pair, but the commercials told me they're really cool, so I should buy them." I think we should give this study the boot.