Thursday, April 3, 2008

Another "valuable" study


If you want to get ahead in life, my advice to you is to head to your nearest shoe store and stock up on sneakers. Hey, I know it sounds crazy, but the online ad network Mindset Media has released a study, in connection with Nielsen Online, that says people who buy more than three pairs of tennis shoes a year are 61 percent more likely than the average Joe to have leadership qualities. According to a PRNewswire report, the study found those who buy more sneakers also are likely to be very assertive and very spontaneous. I apparently have missed the boat here. If I buy one pair of tennis shoes a year, it's a big year for me. I currently have two pair - one for yard mowing and the other for casual wear. Put those together with my single pair of Crocs and two pair of what I generously call "dress shoes," and you can see that I don't spend a whole lot of time picking out footwear. The missus, on the other hand, must be one helluva leader. She may, indeed, be the Imelda Marcos of Hopewell Township. I'm pretty sure she has more shoes than I have underwear, socks and pants combined. My theory has always been that since one can wear only one pair of shoes at a time, it doesn't make sense having a bunch of them just lying about. But then, I apply the same policy toward blue jeans. I have one pair. I launder them as needed and replace them when I bust the crotch out of them. It's not that I have an overly active crotch. It's just that when a fat man bends down, that seems to be the point where the trousers say, "Enough, already!" But I digress. I would like to address the three points of the study. First, the assertion that people who buy three pairs of tennies a year are leadership material. My guess is that someone who would buy more than three pairs of tennis shoes a year is someone who already is in a leadership position and has the wherewithal to waste money on shoes. Second, the claim that frequent sneaker buyers are very assertive. Maybe it's possible that they're just look-at-me, status-conscious pains in the ass, the kind of people who are blabbing on cell phones while driving their SUVs and then flip you the "bird" when they cut you off in traffic. And then there's the spontaneity. My take: "Oh, look, shoes. They're $100 a pair, but the commercials told me they're really cool, so I should buy them." I think we should give this study the boot.

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10 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Next time you go to a high school or middle school, check out the lost and found department and see how many pairs of upscale sneakers have been abandoned by their owners, who apparently can't quite figure out what happened to their kicks. And there's a nearly equal stock of "lost" sweats and jackets. If I had come home without my tennis shoes, my mom and dad would have made me go back to school and retrieve them. These days, I guess, they just keep buying new pairs. Too much money, people have.

April 3, 2008 at 4:57 PM  
Blogger Scott Beveridge said...

I need to buy some more shoes.

April 3, 2008 at 10:24 PM  
Blogger Roger said...

Brant, if I could be so bold to give advice...

Sneakers are not proper footwear for grass mowing. Maybe I am making an overreaching assumption, but most likely you are using a power mower for the task. Too many folks show up at the ER, with a toe or two missing. Furthermore, their lawn is only partially cut. Leaving some of the yard still standing is untidy.

April 4, 2008 at 10:18 AM  
Blogger Brant said...

Roger, you make some valid points, but I guess I've just become accustomed to mowing in sneakers after 35 years of doing it that way. Still have all my toes, but I have slipped and landed on my rear a few times. And you're right that nobody likes to see a half-mown yard, though sometimes I have to cut mine over a couple of days. Too much grass. Too little time.

April 4, 2008 at 12:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Golf spikes aerate the lawn and keep you from slipping. Tryit.

April 4, 2008 at 4:27 PM  
Blogger Scott Beveridge said...

Roger, I had the same thought about cutting off toes while mowing the lawn. Surely you must own at least three pairs of sneakers.

April 4, 2008 at 4:28 PM  
Blogger Roger said...

Scott, do you mean ME owning three pairs of sneakers? Ha! I don't own one pair, and haven't for years.

I do own walking shoes, and make good use of them, just walking. I logged about 600 miles between Christmas and mid-March, 45-52 miles per week. But, sneakers? No need.

The walking shoes are now put away for the season. They only come out during the depths of Winter. So, no grass mowing with them either.

April 4, 2008 at 9:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a solution that combines two of your blogs, Brant.

1. Wear tennis shoes while mowing the lawn.
2. Allow one of your feet to slip under the blade, cutting off a toe.
3. Sue the shoe manufacturer for failing to warn you of this hazard.
4. Settle out of court, retire, and go on a speaking tour about the prevalence of frivolous lawsuits in America.
5. Write a book about people who file frivolous lawsuits and make money from speaking tours about it.
6.Oprah picks your book for her club.
7. Appear on Oprah.
8. Maury Povich sues you for being the father of his love child.
9. After JerrY Springer proves that Maury is right, you lose everything in an out-of-court settlement.
10. To make ends meet, You are forced to open a lawn-mowing business.

April 6, 2008 at 2:27 PM  
Blogger Brant said...

I like cutting grass. Maybe I should just start the lawn-mowing business now. I'm not sure I can bring myself to sleep with Maury Povich, or Connie Chung.

April 7, 2008 at 7:36 AM  
Blogger PRIguy said...

If I read this correctly, multiple pairs of tennis shoes equate success. Yet I have to wonder just how many CEOs, middle management types, drill sergeants, department heads, principals and the like wear tennis shoes on the job.

As with all of these insipid studies, I'm left shaking my head, thinking, "Is this all these people have time to do?" Surely there are more important things to study. And if this study leads to more studies, I'm sure that in a few years there will be empirical data that state that owning multiple pairs of tennis shoes indicates a lack of desire for success. It seems that every study done over the last twenty years has begotten other studies that refute the original claim. Remember when eggs were bad for you? Now they're the "perfect food." Pork is now good for you. Wine was bad, now it's good. Same with coffee.


I'm curious as to the period of time over which this study was conducted. How long does one have to wait to become a leader? I'm sure that it takes some longer than others to achieve that goal. Maybe the people who have to wait just have more time to buy shoes.

I'll keep my comfy old Nikes for now. Sure, I might never be the CEO of the company I work for, but that's the price one pays for despising shopping.

April 8, 2008 at 12:02 PM  

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