One thin mint? It's wafer thin

I haven’t quite reached the dimensions of the infamous Mr. Creosote from “Monty Python’s Meaning of Life,” but I’m headed in that direction. As a result, in the next couple of days, I will be embarking on a diet. My publicly stated goal (which will no doubt doom me to failure) is to lose 50 pounds by Memorial Day. If you’re gonna dream, dream big. Right? My advantage is the fact that I’m not some 120-pound woman trying to lop off the last three or four pounds she needs to drop in order to be “bikini-ready” by spring. I’m a big old fat guy with lots of pounds to be discarded. Traditional diets have never worked for me, mainly because I don’t do well with structure. My general framework for the diet is to avoid carbs and shift my eating habits more toward fish and fresh vegetables. I’m going to give myself one “day off” from the diet each week to cut down on the drudgery. I’m not going to gorge on that day, but if I want a Twinkie, I’ll have one. Over the years, I’ve seen and taken part in some strange diets. I recall my mother going on a diet that had, as its centerpiece, a huge pot of this revolting cabbage soup that she kept taking out of the fridge and reheating. I think the aim of that diet was to kill one’s will to eat. I’d be more than happy to hear any tips you folks might have for me, and to hear about some of the wacky diet approaches you’re encountered. If you’ll excuse me now, it’s time for a tearful farewell to my good, good friends, white bread, sweet tea and Hellmann’s mayonnaise.