When's them-there nuptials?
Amid the holiday hoopla, you might not have heard that Bristol Palin, unwed daughter of Alaska governor, sex-education opponent and former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin, delivered a baby boy last weekend. Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston (does anyone else find the use of four names pretentious?) weighed in at seven pounds, four ounces, and mother and baby are reported to be doing fine. With that bit of business out of the way, one can assume that Bristol, according to the plan laid out during the presidential campaign, soon will be tying the knot with the fella who impregnated her, fellow 18-year-old Levi Johnston. However, it appears no date has been set. I understand that you have to work around the kids' school schedules and ... What? ... They're not in school? ... They are? ... What's the story here? The story is that a few months back, the AP reported that Levi Johnston had dropped out of high school to work on the North Slope oil field. Now, Sarah Palin has her panties in a twist about that, saying that Johnston is, indeed, pursuing his education, via a correspondence program. And the gov says her daughter is enrolled in school but also doing correspondence work. OK, now that we have that clear, it should be easy to set a date. But hold on there! Surely you can't have a wedding without the mother of the groom in attendance, and they'll need to wait until the authorities firm up her court schedule on charges of selling Hillbilly Heroin (OxyContin). Is anyone else thinking what I'm thinking? You take all these people - Palin, the First Dude, the happy young couple, Levi's mom (depending on her bail conditions) and the other Palin kids, Stick, Rock and Craftsman Tool, dump them in the middle of Beverly Hills and wait for the fish-out-of-water hijinks to ensue. What? Already been done? OK. Back to the young lovers. I have no doubt that Levi will make every effort to marry Bristol. He may not receive a rocket-science certification from the Wasilla School of Snowmobile Repair and Moose-Gutting, but surely he's smart enough to go all K-Fed and latch onto the cash cow that's right in front of his nose. I'll keep checking the mail for my invitation.