Monday, January 19, 2009

Pittsburgh's goin' ... and we'll be goin' insane


I’m as tickled as the next Steelers fan about the Black and Gold going to another Super Bowl. It boosts the spirits at this really dead time of year and gives folks something to focus on other than home foreclosures and their dwindling retirement accounts. But one thing I dread more than a root canal is the two weeks of insane, fawning, out-of-control crap that we’re going to be fed by the Pittsburgh TV stations. It’ll make their coverage of a two-inch “snow event” look like child’s play. I’m really looking forward to these hard-hitting stories: “North Versailles woman makes piece of toast that has image of Troy Polamalu on it” and “Big Ben’s stepmother’s hairdresser’s cousin’s sister’s boyfriend remembers Ben as a Cub Scout” and “Hines Ward pooped today; sources say it was solid.” Go Steelers!

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17 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brant,
Do what so many of us have done, QUIT WATCHING LOCAL NEWS!!!! Get the weather from the internet, it will tell you what will happen, rather than tell you all kinds of crap before getting to the point.
Watch NFL total access for real football news, rather than inane local coverage.
There are other outlets. The worst offender is KDKA, which fawns over everything, never tells what is really happening (like when Ben was stinking drunk before his first superbowl). The photos were all over the web, but at KDKA it was all peaches and cream.

January 19, 2009 at 9:40 AM  
Blogger Brant said...

I think it would be a cold day before any of the TV stations, and most media outlets, really, would do a negative story on a Steelers player or the team as a whole. They don't want to lose access. Good lord, we couldn't risk doing without Sally Wiggins' hard-hitting "exclusives." I will try to avoid as much of the local TV coverage as possible over the next two weeks. Between that and 10 minutes of weather every half hour, there sure won't be much room for real news.

January 19, 2009 at 9:55 AM  
Blogger Ellipses said...

Is Hines' poop on ebay yet?

January 19, 2009 at 10:52 AM  
Blogger PRIguy said...

Yeah, the bid is at $3200 right now

January 19, 2009 at 12:56 PM  
Blogger Ellipses said...

Damn, I spent all my money on the sponge that soaked up Ben's blood after the motorcycle accident :-(

January 19, 2009 at 1:09 PM  
Blogger Brant said...

I bought the sheet they covered him with. It's like the Shroud of Turin!

January 19, 2009 at 1:19 PM  
Blogger Ellipses said...

It cured my blindness, pleurisy, back aches, and impotence!

January 19, 2009 at 1:21 PM  
Blogger Ellipses said...

I heard that once that sheet came in contact with his blood, it transmogrified into a sham-wow...

January 19, 2009 at 1:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You betcha! Right on, Brant. I am already sick to death of hearing "Here, we go..." on the radio every 10 minutes. I know everyone is looking for any excuse to be happy because of the lousy state of the world, but not everyone gives even a small crap about football.

January 19, 2009 at 4:42 PM  
Blogger PRIguy said...

How can Vince double the order if the sheet turned into the Sham Wow? You know, he can't do this all day.

January 20, 2009 at 9:12 AM  
Blogger Richard Dirt said...

BRANT. is. HERO. for this post.

it's not just about the local news, it's about people who don't really know jack shIt about football pretending that they do.

Go Pittsburgh and all of that PR, but really, can we all just chill aht?

One of my good friends is from Baltimore, and some guy put a cigarette out in her hair last weekend. This kind of competitive, blood lust crap is absolutely not a good impression.

Meh, go stillers....(fart)

Jebus, as breathy as I am, I really have no competition with your commenters. I'm out.

January 21, 2009 at 1:12 AM  
Blogger Ellipses said...

Priguy... I think the sham wow acts sort of like the fishes and loaves... that's why Vince can double your order at will... and the reason you can cut up your two sham wows and use them for every foreseeable absorbancy issue that you would ever encounter... ever.

Stop having boring tuna, stop having a boring life... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUbWjIKxrrs

January 21, 2009 at 6:48 AM  
Blogger Brant said...

Richard, you've been put on a yinzer "watch list" for questioning our region's insane devotion to the Stillers. If you continue on this course, you will be waterboarded with Iron City.

January 21, 2009 at 9:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is there a reason why we can't drop giant shamwows from helicopters onto spills from tractor trailers? or oil spills?

January 22, 2009 at 1:35 PM  
Blogger Brant said...

Random thought: Wouldn't it be nice if Shamwows could absorb hate and stupidity?

January 22, 2009 at 9:19 PM  
Blogger Ellipses said...

They DO!

But that rascal, Vince, keeps wringing it out on radio talk show hosts and random rednecks so that he can slop up more soda from his door mat... that crazy vince... He leads the horse to water, but the horse dies of dehydration because the trough is full of hate and ignorance and vince's shamwow is soaked with life-giving water.

January 23, 2009 at 7:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There's one Pittsburgher who must not have much confidence in the Steelers, he's selling his "STEELER CHOPPER" on EBay.

February 1, 2009 at 2:37 PM  

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