Sunday, March 22, 2009

Those Brazilians are one tough breed


From the I-can’t-believe-they-need-to-make-a-law-against-this department comes word that the state of New Jersey is considering a ban on, um, genital waxing. Specifically, the state Board of Cosmetology and Hairstyling – am I the only one who chuckled when reading that? – wants to prohibit so-called Brazilian bikini waxes after two women were hospitalized for infections after undergoing the “procedures.” Being a person not familiar with waxing of any sort, aside from the use of candles, I did a little research and learned that a “Brazilian” involves the application of hot wax and a yanking motion to remove each and every hair from a person’s body “down South.” That’s front, rear and all points in between, I’m led to believe. And just a warning here. Do not, NOT, let the kids look up bikini waxing on Wikipedia. Yikes! I’ll pause a minute here while you all look up bikini waxing on Wikipedia. OK. Now I recognize that ladies like to look their best on the beach in the warm months, and a little, uh, landscaping is probably advisable. But, number one, there has to be a better way. And, number two, it’s not really necessary for you ladies to go to the extremes required for you to wear a bikini with a front the size of a postage stamp. We fellas have a pretty good idea of the general female anatomy in that region, whether you cover it with a cotton ball or a kaftan. You can limit the advertising, is what I’m saying. I’m not suggesting that you want to do your own pelvic tribute to Larry Fine from the Three Stooges, but a little moderation seems to be in order here. I also have learned that some “men” go in for this waxing to remove unwanted hair. You know who you are, and you should immediately turn in your “guy card.”

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17 Comments:

Blogger {cher} said...

it won't pass. it would be like trying to ban plastic surgery, and we've all seen the horror stories of those on talk shows. they know here are risks involved, and if they got infections, seems to me either 1) they went to a cheap dirty place to get it done, or 2) they're own "place" is cheap and dirty.

March 22, 2009 at 11:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When waxing is outlawed, only outlaws will have ... um ... wax.

March 22, 2009 at 2:44 PM  
Blogger Ellipses said...

Wow... I never thought to use wikipedia as my one stop shop for interesting tidbits and nudy pics...

THANK!

March 23, 2009 at 8:30 AM  
Blogger Dawn Keller said...

In one of the stories I read, it said the Brazilian waxes were already illegal in New Jersey but that some salons were doing it anyway. This new legislation is just making it more clear.
If someone wants to get it done, I don't see why the government needs to be involved in that choice. Instead, the government should be involved in make sure the businesses that provide that service are clean ... just like they do for other businesses.

March 23, 2009 at 1:23 PM  
Blogger Ellipses said...

I don't understand why'd you'd pay someone to do that... I do my manscaping at home, myself...

And don't worry, Brant... I have turned in my man-card... Too bad it was printed on the back of my Pegasus VIP card... :-/

March 23, 2009 at 1:31 PM  
Blogger Brant said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

March 23, 2009 at 1:44 PM  
Blogger Brant said...

I guess when one is dealing with hard-to-reach places, a little help might be required. Then there are the "calorically challenged" folks like me who, in order to accomplish such a procedure, might need mirrors and one of those thingamajigs they used to use to get grocery items off of high shelves.

March 23, 2009 at 1:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Women have hair down there? You'd never know it from contemporary porn.

March 23, 2009 at 10:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would like to volunteer my services to make sure the fine women of New Jersey are abiding by this law.

March 24, 2009 at 8:44 AM  
Blogger Brant said...

A true humanitarian. Bravo!

March 24, 2009 at 9:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Am I reading this right? Is Brant Newman suggesting that women wear more clothes on the beach? Bathing suits with more coverage? Wow. you are getting old.

March 24, 2009 at 5:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When nothing is left to the imagination. what is there to imagine?

March 24, 2009 at 7:02 PM  
Blogger Brant said...

Me? Getting old? You might have a point there.

March 25, 2009 at 6:21 AM  
Blogger Ellipses said...

"When nothing is left to the imagination. what is there to imagine?"

If I wanted mystery, I'd watch Murder She Wrote

March 25, 2009 at 6:51 AM  
Blogger Ellipses said...

Jessica Fletcher- Schwing!

Father Dowling- Schwing

Cabot Cove- Schwing Schwing!

March 25, 2009 at 8:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now Jessica Fletcher with a Brazilian wax ... that would be Schwing!

March 25, 2009 at 9:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

..

So, you're turned on by prepubescent girls? Or Barbie?

March 25, 2009 at 12:29 PM  

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