Grab some pitchforks and torches

If anyone wants to have another tea party, boy do I have a great target: the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board. That Pennsylvania's wine and liquor stores should have been privatized years ago is obvious. But the evidence keeps mounting that the politically protected PLCB is the gang that can't shoot straight, and it's costing you and me a boatload of money. The Post-Gazette had a great story the other day by Steve Twedt that outlined the latest shenanigans at the agency. The centerpiece of the story was that the PLCB, despite the protestations of Gov. Ed Rendell, is thinking about changing the name of its Wine and Spirits stores. It may not be necessary, but I'll point out here that the PLCB has a virtual monopoly on wine and liquor sales in Pennsylvania and really doesn't need to "sell itself" to customers. Also, it seems as if calling the retail locations "Wine and Spirits" stores is pretty darned descriptive. The P-G reports that last week, PLCB chief executive Joe Conti called the possible name change just a small part of a move to "rebrand" state stores under a $3.7 million consulting contract with a San Francisco firm. Conti, who got his job in a purely political move by Rendell that forced out board Chairman Jonathan Newman (no relation), the only person at the PLCB who seemed to have any idea what he was doing, refused to offer up any potential names for the stores, but sources within the PLCB told Twedt that one name had been under serious consideration until it was leaked and criticized. Actually, I'm guessing the name was mocked. Any guess as to what it was? Never mind. You couldn't possibly guess, because you're not mentally retarded. The proposed name was ... drum roll, please ... "Table Leaf." Sadly, I'm not joking. It was "Table Leaf." As I recall, a table leaf was something my grandmother put in the middle of her dining room table to expand its size for Thanksgiving dinner. What it has to do with selling wine and booze is anybody's guess. The stupidity over the renaming of the liquor stores follows closely behind the revelation that the PLCB was spending just short of $175,000 to hire a company to train workers on how to play nice with customers. The contract, which went to a company whose president is married to a PLCB regional manager, led to a manual for agency trainers that, according to the P-G, offered the following nuggets of genius in the way of objectives: "To gain knowledge of self, others and develop techniques to utilize during facilitation"; "to enable trainers to use various skills and techniques designed to enhance effective communication and transfer of knowledge"; and "to practice and apply adult facilitation skills." In other words, you give us about $175,000, and we'll tell you how to tell your employees how to talk to customers. Brilliant. And Conti tells the P-G that even if no name change comes to pass, the PLCB is about ready to launch a really sweet Web site and is focusing on such areas as store shelving, layouts and category management. Does anyone else think this sounds a lot like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic? Enough is enough. We, the people, should demand an end to this anti-consumer joke of a government agency.