Monday, July 13, 2009

For an FBI director, he sure has crummy English skills

Here's the opening paragraph of an e-mail I received recently, purportedly from FBI Director Robert Mueller:

This is to Officially inform you that it has come to our notice and we have thoroughly Investigated with the help of our Intelligence Monitoring Network System that you are having an illegal Transaction with Impostors claiming to be Prof Charles C. Soludo of the Central Bank of Nigeria, Mr. Patrick Aziza, Mr. Frank Nweke, none officials of Oceanic Bank, Zenith Banks, Kelvin Young of HSBC, Ben of Fedex, Ibrahim Sule, Larry Christopher, Puppy Scammers are impostors claiming to be the Federal Bureau of Investigation. During our investigation, we noticed the reason why you have not received your payment is because you have not fulfilled your Financial Obligation given to you in respect to your Contract/Inheritance Payment.

Well, if that hadn't piqued my interest, the e-mail went on to say that I was in line to get an "ATM CARD" that would give me access to $11 million, at a maximum withdrawal rate of $40,000 to $50,000 a day. My only obligation was to send these kind folks at the FBI the $110 payment necessary to secure my "Approval Slip." I know, I know. Some of you are thinking this is a scam. But the e-mail went on to tell me that "Since the Federal Bureau of Investigation is involved in this transaction, you have to be rest assured for this is 100 percent risk free it is our duty to protect the American Citizens." So there. Anybody else want in?

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like Obama plan. I hope you signed right up!

July 13, 2009 at 12:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, Wow, that really clears things up for me.

All this time, I had been thinking it was scam artists who were sending me these bogus emails, when actually it was GEORGE BUSH'S fault all along.

July 13, 2009 at 1:27 PM  
Blogger Ellipses said...

Wow! They got me! Frank Lutz must have coached them on words that would get me to respond...

Ben of Fedex
Puppy Scammers

At that point, it doesn't matter what they're selling... because I'm BUYING IT.

Give me two puppy scammers and a double order of Ben of Fedex

July 13, 2009 at 1:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

These things have existed for at least 10 years. Many of them prey (pun intended) on Christians by claiming that the writer is a minister, or has been told by God that the recipient of the e-mail is a good Christian. And of course there are the versions that play up to one's greed -- a former finance minister died, leaving ashoebox containing $22 million that the now-dead minister liberated from the bad, bad government of his country. Now you can help his widow put the money to good use -- just give her your credit card number or $1,000 of your own money in good faith.

It's just an electronic, international version of the "pigeon drop," where someone approaches the mark claiming to have found X amount of dollars on the street that they will gladly split with the mark if the mark will just go to the bank and withdraw $1,000 as proof of their good will.

The saying "A fool and his money are soon parted" has been around for more than 400 years, and with good reason.

July 13, 2009 at 10:26 PM  
Blogger PRIguy said...

Brant, we should split that Approval Slip fee. Then we can share in the largesse of this fine organization. I'll mail a check to you today. Once you pony up your half, we can have access to untold riches. AND puppy scammers.

July 20, 2009 at 1:10 PM  

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