Potpourri

A few random thoughts:

- I saw on the Post-Gazette website today that state police are looking for a 76-year-old guy who was last seen at a casino in Erie. Here's the kicker: The dude is suffering from Alzheimer's and "may be driving a maroon, four-door Nissan." How in the hell does a 76-year-old Alzheimer's patient have access to a set of car keys? Just another piece in the mountain of evidence that points toward the need for mandatory driver's license retesting for those over a certain age. By the way, there's also a perfectly good bill languishing on the state Senate floor that would ban the use of hand-held cell phones for talking or texting while behind the wheel. But do you think our state lawmakers would pass any bill that would anger a significant segment of the population in an election year? Of course not. A great many of them are more interested in getting re-elected than they are in doing what is right for the people of Pennsylvania. How else could you explain the continued existence of the state store system.

- Speaking of which, the union that represents the state store clerks issued one of its hilarious, self-serving news releases the other day. The subject was the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board's rolling out of its new wine-vending machines that will be placed in some grocery stores. Granted, the vending machine idea is stupid. Why not just let the stores sell wine off their shelves? Of, because the PLCB would lose its reason to exist. But the Independent State Store Union really went over the top. The union says the vending machines will "only intensify the effort to eliminate the state store system." Actually, the PLCB is doing this as a way to lessen the move to kill the state store system by showing (falsely) that it is trying to cater to wine buyers across the commonwealth. But here's where it gets really funny. Check out this quote at the end of the union's news release: "Alcohol is not a Red Box DVD - it is the most abused drug in every town, city and state in the USAA." OK. If that's the way you feel about it, why don't you issue a news release calling for elimination of all alcoholic beverage sales in the state? Oh, but that would eliminate all those highly paid clerk positions. Never mind.

- Tom Cruise's latest movie, "Knight and Day," pretty much tanked at the box office over the weekend, and it's pretty certain that it's not going to make enough money to cover the cost of producing and promoting it. Anyone who is not a blithering idiot can tell you that Cruise's career went south when he started jumping on couches and acting like a loon about his freak-show religion. But a spokesman for the movie studio that put out the latest film had the cojones to say that the movie got good reviews and "smart audiences" will make it a success by flocking to it. Bull@#$%. The smart audiences are the ones not sticking their dollar bills into the pockets of that wacky Scientologist.

- Finally, this little item struck a nerve with me on Friday. We got a news release at the newspaper from Intermediate Unit 1 announcing that its Center for Science, Engineering and Mathematics Education has gotten a $192,500 grant to "promote algebra readiness in third through eighth grades." The release goes on to say that dozens of teachers in Washington, Greene and Fayette counties will be able to participate in an "intensive summer math academy and school year follow-up focused on the development of content knowledge, its application to classroom practice and understanding of the role that mathematics plays in real-world careers in those subject areas for students." Gag me with a spoon. This is emblematic of everything that is wrong with our education system. Teachers are going to be taking time away from drilling elementary students on the basic math that they WILL use later in life in order to "promote readiness" for algebra, which I'm pretty sure not many of them will be using after high school. I took algebra in high school. I've never used anything I learned in that class, and I'm certain that I would have benefited more by taking ANY OTHER class that might have been offered. Hell, even metal shop was of more use to me than algebra. And in our modern world, with all of the technological advances, there are very few people who will need to come out of high school with the ability to figure out algebraic equations. For those who are pursuing a field in which that might be useful, there will always be the opportunity to take those courses in high school. But it's an absolute waste of time - and our school tax money - to force algebra, or "algebra readiness," on the student body as a whole.

This and that

A few subjects from the past week:

– After Ted Haggard, Sen. Larry Craig, Rep. Mark Foley and many more, we really shouldn't be too surprised when anti-gay ministers, activists and politicians find themselves in "interesting” positions, but a new story out of Florida is just too funny not to mention. The Miami New Times reports that George Alan Rekers, a co-founder of the Family Research Council and author of the book “Growing Up Straight: What Families Should Know About Homosexuality,” was spotted at an airport returning from a 10-day trip to London and Madrid with a young male prostitute. The escort, “Lucien,” described himself on the website rentboy.com as “sensual, wild and up for anything.” But Rekers said he didn't hire the young man for any of that gay sex stuff. No, siree. He explained to the newspaper that he was recovering from surgery and couldn’t lift luggage. Hence, the hiring of the young Puerto Rican gentleman. I guess tipping a porter or a bellhop just wouldn't do. Rekers, by the way, was supposedly pushing his and the young man’s suitcases when seen at the airport. But maybe that caused his condition to flare up, because Miami New Times reports that since that London-Madrid getaway, Rekers has reportedly e-mailed “Lucien” about a future trip to Rome. Apparently, the young fellow did a bang-up job of handling Rekers’ bag. Rekers’ name, by the way, has now been removed from the Family Research Council’s Internet site.

– I'm an “American Idol” fan, but I usually DVR the "results show” and watch it later so I can zip through not only the commercials but some of the “special” performances of current music stars that are part of the program. I wish I had not been subjected to last week’s offering by Lady Gaga, but the missus is a fan, so I unfortunately had to witness Ms. Gaga performing her new single, “Alejandro.” Mere words can hardly explain this entertainment spectacular. There were some half-naked men jumping about as if they had been Tasered at a Philadelphia Phillies game, and Ms. Gaga, herself, looked as if she had become entangled in a combination of giant spider webs, fish nets and a few of my late grandmother’s doilies. As for the "music,” I can only say that it would have been perfect for use as psychological torture against Guantanamo Bay detainees. And it went on, and on, and on. But it didn't go on long enough to suit Ms. Gaga, who reportedly was miffed that only about five minutes of her display was aired. I couldn't imagine sitting through any more of it, but I guess we missed something. And for that, I thank the producers of "American Idol.”

– I have long been of the opinion that our children are overscheduled. They have too many activities and not enough down time. But some high school football coaches want to make it even worse. A group of high school coaches met last week with Pitt coach Dave Wannstedt and his Penn State counterpart, Joe Paterno. And one purpose of the meeting was to win the college coaches’ support for allowing spring football practices for high school teams in Pennsylvania. Is it not enough that high school football players have to begin practice weeks before the start of the school year? Or that they put in hour upon hour upon hour of practice during the season? This is ridiculous. The kids are already making enough of a commitment of their time and effort to this sport. And what about those who might like to play a different sport in the spring? Are they just out of luck? Enough is enough.

You don't want Roger Goodell's job

The latest black eye for the NFL's reputation has arrived in the form of camera-phone video of an obviously stewed Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones making disparaging remarks about Bill Parcells and Tim Tebow during a conversation in a bar. Many of us have probably been liquored up and said things we regretted the next day. The difference is, what we said didn't end up on ESPN over and over and over again. I understand that times have changed. There's a 24-hour news cycle, and the old rules about what passes for news, even in the sports world, are out the window. But I think it's unseemly that the sports media is taking what was essentially a private conversation and splashing it all over the radio and TV. It's not as if Jones made these remarks at a news conference or some other scheduled public event. Jerry Jones is a pretty easy guy to dislike, and as a public figure, he has to expect to be under the microscope. But I still think he deserves the right to have a conversation with a couple of other people in a bar without some opportunistic slimeball voyeuristically and surreptitiously videotaping him and then selling the video to some Internet site. And ESPN, of course, leaped on this with both feet. I'm a fan of the "Mike and Mike" show on ESPN. I watch and/or listen to the program every weekday. But their defense of ESPN repeatedly showing the Jones video and their spending an inordinate amount of time talking about it sort of fell flat with me. One of their main arguments was that, while the shooting of the video was wrong, they have an obligation to repeatedly show it and to talk about it endlessly because it’s “news.” Let me translate that for you: They won’t do the dirty work themselves, but they’ll perch like vultures and feast on the carrion that is drug into public by people with lesser morals. Their other argument was that if they didn't give the video wall-to-wall coverage, viewers and listeners would turn to other outlets that did. Translation: Journalistic integrity and ethics aren’t as important as ratings and advertising dollars. It's a far cry from the days when reporters looked the other way when Mickey Mantle, Billy Martin and other pro athletes and coaches were drinking, carousing and raising hell. But maybe we've gone too far. It's almost reached the point at which the actual games are taking a back seat to the off-field goings-on. There's a big difference between a star quarterback being accused of sexual assault, which is a legitimate news story, and an NFL owner getting a snootful of booze and talking to some folks at a tavern. One is news. The other is an invasion of privacy.

What a laugh

I find most television commercials to be either boring or stupid, or both. But I've always gotten a few laughs from the E*Trade ads featuring the talking babies. Actress Lindsay Lohan doesn’t share my opinion. She’s suing E*Trade for $100 million because of the company’s latest ad, which features one baby girl referring to another as “that milkaholic Lindsay.” Lohan, who has a history of substance abuse, claims the character in the ad, who pops onto the screen at the end of the commercial and says “Milk-a-what?," is clearly based on her, and that her right to privacy has been violated. It seems ridiculous to me that someone like Lohan, whose party girl behavior has landed her on tabloid magazine covers and those parasitic syndicated TV shows about the entertainment industry, can claim any right to privacy. But it gets funnier. Lohan alleges in her suit that the character in the ad had to be named after her because she has the same “single-name” public recognition as Oprah and Madonna. Sure, that’s right. Anytime I'm ticking off the world’s biggest female celebrities one might recognize by their first names alone, it's usually Oprah, followed by Madonna and then, of course, Lindsay Lohan. Unless she or one of her family members is getting arrested or going into rehab, does anyone even think of Lindsay Lohan these days? I suppose if you're a fan of the aforementioned TV shows or the trashy tabloids, you might see her every once in a while. But I doubt the average American has given her much of a thought in ages. I mean, for the past five or six years, the woman is more famous for her bouts with substance abuse and photos taken with a camera lens pointed up her skirt or down her blouse than she is for her acting career, such as it is. Does she really want to draw more attention to herself at this point? Never mind. Of course she does.

How much fuzz is too much fuzz?

Some people are easily offended. I'm not one of the them, but I understand that some folks have different sensibilities than I. That said, I think it's a bit much that Lamar Advertising in Colorado Springs, Colo., has rejected proposed bus stop advertising posters for a production of the Tony-winning musical “Avenue Q” because a puppet was showing a bit too much, um, skin. That's right. Excessive puppet cleavage is the given reason why the posters cannot be used. Jeff Moore, a Lamar account executive, says his company takes a conservative approach in politically conservative Colorado Springs, which is home base for some conservative Christian groups, including Jim Dobson’s gay-hating Focus on the Family. I saw “Avenue Q” in Pittsburgh a few years back. It’s a highly entertaining show, but it is definitely not for those who are against swearing, gay people and sex in general. However, it boggles the mind to think that anyone could get the vapors over a puppet wearing a revealing dress. Remind me to cross Colorado Springs off my potential vacation spots.

That old-time extremism

In this country, we often hear about "Muslim extremists," but I don't hear anyone complaining about the Christian extremists in our midst. One such bunch appears to be operating in Westmoreland County. It seems the pastor of Christian Fellowship Center of Greensburg has gone to county court to seek an order upholding a vote by the church board to expel two church elders. One of the elders reportedly was argumentative and had a poor attendance record at church functions. OK, that's understandable. The second, however, was voted out because he, um, failed to speak in tongues. For the uninitiated, speaking in tongues involves spewing made-up gibberish, supposedly through the power of the Holy Spirit, and, according to an AP story, it displays what some churches consider to be “necessary evidence of one’s faith.” I don't know if you’ve ever seen anyone speaking in tongues, but it makes the Jodie Foster character in the movie “Nell” sound like Sir Laurence Olivier. Hearing about this legal action brought to mind something even scarier, the hellishly frightening 2006 documentary “Jesus Camp,” in which children essentially were tortured into buying into the charms of Pentacostal/charismatic Christianity. To get an idea of the film’s contents, take a look at this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LACyLTsH4ac. Involving young children in this sort of twisted indoctrination amounts to mental crucifixion and child abuse. If Muslim parents gathered their children together at such a camp and treated them in this fashion, badgering them to fight for the views of their God, there are a lot of folks in this country – selling a different brand of faith – who would accuse them of sowing the seeds of jihad and probably attempt to have the kids taken from them. This is just a reminder that extremism is bad, no matter who or what is being worshipped. And if you’re not sickened by what you saw in the video clip, there’s really something wrong with you.

Dick Ebersol is aptly named

Nobody can accuse NBC executive Dick Ebersol of not being a company man. If you've been living under a rock, NBC has decided to kill Jay Leno's 10 p.m. weeknight talk show and wants to put Leno back at 11:35, thus pushing back Conan O'Brien’s "Tonight Show." O’Brien, as one might expect, is balking about the move and has been very public in bashing the network's plan. And now Ebersol is trying to shift the blame for the whole mess to O’Brien, calling him an "astounding failure." Ebersol also ripped O’Brien and fellow late-night host David Letterman for their pointed jokes about the situation, saying, "It’s chicken-hearted and gutless to blame a guy (Leno) you couldn’t beat in the ratings. They're just striking out at Jay.” Chicken-hearted? It's not as if O'Brien and Letterman are leaking statements to the National Enquirer. They're making them on national TV in front of millions of viewers. And let's remember that it was NBC who pushed Leno out of the "Tonight Show" seat and replaced him with O'Brien. As for that "astounding failure" remark, I think O'Brien, whose previous show needed time to build an audience, deserves more than seven months to succeed with the "Tonight Show." Ebersol also is taking O'Brien to task for blaming his own so-so ratings on the weak lead-in provided by Leno. Let's face facts, Dick. Leno's ratings at 10 p.m. stink. That's the reason you're killing his show. And O'Brien isn't the only one pointing to the sorry lead-in provided by Leno. NBC affiliates are reportedly hacked, and losing money, because Leno is providing such a weak lead-in to their 11 p.m. news programs. Leno promised something new and different when he moved from 11:35 to 10 p.m., but instead he rolled out the same old, tired gags from his old show. Viewers stayed away in droves. Leno is the real underachiever here. It's really easy to settle this whole mess. If Ebersol is so convinced that O'Brien is an "astounding failure," he and NBC should have no problem releasing O'Brien from his NBC deal and allowing him to immediately take his talk show to another network, where he could compete directly with Leno. Yeah, right.

When is it too much?

It hasn't been a good past few days for actor Nicolas Cage. From all accounts, he's in very severe financial difficulties. He's suing his former business manager, while at the same time being sued by a former significant other, Christina Fulton, who is seeking $13 million. And the former business manager has countersued Cage, saying the star ignored advice to curb his excessive spending. Now, he's been hit with a $36.7 million lawsuit by a group called Red Curb Investments, which says Cage, who just this year is facing IRS tax liens approaching $7 million, failed to repay more than $5 million in loans and also failed to give notice of his tax woes. From the sound of all this, it's beginning to look as if Cage, despite earning millions and millions of dollars, is headed either toward bankruptcy or sharing a prison cell with Wesley Snipes. Which finally brings me to my point: While people who make huge sums of money are certainly entitled to spend it as they wish, isn't it a little bit sickening to watch them wallow in excess? This is not jealousy on my part. I'm not a wealthy person, but I enjoy my "regular life." I have no interest in mansions, yachts, private planes and classic sports cars. But everywhere we look, the various media are slobbering over the rich and famous, basically celebrating their lives of excess. I saw an ad last night for a TV show that glorifies lavish weddings. We're talking six-figure, maybe seven-figure, affairs. It would be disturbing to me to even watch something like that. It brings to mind the infamous case of Dennis Kozlowski, who looted Tyco International and was convicted and sent to prison. At his trial, Kozlowski's spending habits were laid out for the world to see. The pinnacle of this, or the low point, perhaps, was Kozlowski's spending of $2.1 million for his wife's 40th birthday party on a Mediterranean island. When people are fortunate enough to become wealthy beyond their wildest dreams, shouldn't it be enough for them to life a very, very comfortable life - even sock away a few million to ensure the financial security of their children and grandchildren - and then do something more altruistic with their riches? Don't get me wrong. There are many people who do just that, but it seems as if there are a growing number who have embraced a culture of unbridled spending. It's not just "me, me, me." It's "look at me." It also has struck me this Christmas season more than any other - perhaps because of the terrible times so many people have gone through this year - that we are throwing money away (much to the delight of corporate America) on gifts that people don't need. I receive gifts that, while very nice, are not necessary for my daily life. And I'm sure I give people gifts that they could very well have done without. Well, I'm finally stepping off the Christmas-Hanukkah-Kwanzaa-whatever merry-go-round. Next year, I'll be telling the people with whom I have typically exchanged gifts that I want nothing from them and that I will be taking money that I usually would have spent on gifts and giving it to worthy charities. Small children will be exempt from my new policy. Is anyone else having the same thoughts?

Tell the whole truth

Alice Roosevelt Longworth once said, "If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me." I always liked that. What I don't subscribe to is the old saying that you don't speak ill of the dead. Perhaps what I really mean is, you shouldn't lie about the dead to make them seem better than they really were. There were two deaths in the past couple of days that I'll use to illustrate that point. Yesterday came the news that KDKA radio talk show host Fred Honsberger had died. To hear everyone talking about him, you would have thought a saint had gone to his reward. As an occasional listener to Fred's show, I thought he was a lie-spewing, truth-twisting, rude and nasty jackass. He was a leader in coarsening and debasing public discourse in our region. Some might say that it was a personna Fred displayed on his program and that he didn't really believe in everything he was saying. Well, in that case, he was a fraud. Take your pick: jackass or fraud. Then, today, we learned of the death of Cincinnati Bengals receiver and former West Virginia Mountaineer Chris Henry, who was fatally injured when he fell from a pickup truck driven by his girlfriend. For those who don't follow football closely, Henry was a sad excuse for a human being when he played at WVU, and he assembled a rap sheet as long as your arm while with the Bengals. But because he hadn't been arrested recently, everyone's talking about him as a "young man who really turned his life around." Really? The guy died while chasing his girlfriend during a domestic dispute. Sounds like a regular Ward Cleaver. I'm sorry that both these men died, especially at their ages, and I feel for their families and friends, but let's not whitewash reality. And let me make it clear that I want the same honest treatment when I die. Feel free to say that I was sometimes (most of the time?) a horse's ass. I believe strongly in telling the truth. ;-)

Random thoughts on the boob tube

A few observations after a night spent watching television:

1. There are times when, despite having a couple of hundred channels to choose from, I can't find a thing that I want to watch on television. Conversely, last night I saw a few good shows. I have to admit that I'm hooked on "Glee!" (I realize that's a somewhat shameful admission for a 51-year-old heterosexual, but it is what it is). And there were a couple of pretty good sitcoms on last night: "Modern Family" and "The Middle." I have trouble sticking with too many shows that have linear story lines, so I tend to watch lighter fare. Are there any shows you would recommend that might be flying under the radar?

2. I saw on SportsCenter that Chad Ochocinco (the former Chad Johnson) of the Cincinnati Bengals was fined something in the neighborhood of $30,000 for donning a cape and a sombrero on the sidelines after scoring a touchdown last weekend. Not on the field, mind you. On the sidelines. The NFL is, more and more, becoming a stiff, corporate "No Fun League," and W&J grad Roger Goodell, the league commissioner, is coming off as a humorless bastard who makes baseball commissioner Bud Selig, who has all the charisma of Harry Reid, look like Will Ferrell by comparison.

3. Does anyone else want to throw a brick through the television when those Jared jewelry commercials come on? They put me on the brink of wanting to retch into the nearest receptacle. I swear that if I were in the market for jewelry, I'd strip some off the rotting corpse of a dead hooker before I'd darken the door of one of their stores.

Unenlightened rogue

This won’t come as much of a surprise, but I won't be among the huddled masses trying to get Sarah Palin to scrawl her name for me inside her new book at an event Saturday at the Sam’s Club in South Strabane Township. For one, I generally try to avoid that entire traffic-challenged plaza. Second, I think Palin is a jackass. But there no doubt will be throngs of people lining up to get a coveted wristband that will make them one of 1,000 people who will get Palin's signature on a copy of "Going Rogue." As best as I can recall, I only have two books signed by an author, and they’re two cookbooks by the same chef/writer. If Christopher Hitchens came to town, I'd probably get in line to have him sign my copy of "God is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything." Other than that, probably not. I'd like to hear from folks who do plan to attend Saturday's event. I have two questions: 1) What is it that attracts you to Palin? and 2) What makes you think she'd be a good president? Don't waste everyone's time by telling us all the horrible things Obama is doing. Stick to making a case for Palin as a leader of the Republican Party or even its next candidate for the White House.

We're not that interested

The other morning, ABC's “Good Morning America” heavily promoted and gave considerable attention and air time to a story about the start of the trial of a man accused in the beating death of a woman in Little Rock, Ark. Oh, the woman just happened to be an anchorwoman on a Little Rock television station, which also just happens to be an ABC affiliate. As murders go, there was nothing especially spectacular about this one. Somebody gained entry to Anne Pressly's home, sexually assaulted her and fatally beat her. It's a very sad case, but it doesn’t stand out from hundreds of other murders that occurred across the country last year. So why does ABC think the average American is especially interested in the trial? Could it be that Pressly was blonde, attractive and a member of the local celebrity class? It certainly wouldn't be the first time that the media virtually ignored the killing of a poor, black woman while lavishing attention on the similar death of an attractive, white woman. But I don't think that's it. I think Pressly's case is in the ABC spotlight simply because she was a fellow TV news person. If she had been a bank vice president in Little Rock, would we have seen the extensive coverage? Not likely.

Plenty of blame to go around

Charges are expected any time now against Richard Heene, the self-promoting lunatic from Colorado who touched off a frantic search last week by claiming that his 6-year-old son, Falcon, had drifted off in a balloon shaped like a flying saucer. There are now suggestions by authorities that Richard Heene and his wife, Mayumi, staged the whole thing in order to attract attention for a reality television show. The family is no stranger to the genre, having appeared twice before on "Wife Swap," a program in which two very different women swap families for a period of time. The producer of that program was working on a new show involving the Heenes but has now backed out, which is rather amazing, because it might be the first time that people involved with reality television have shown any concern for their subjects. America has watched as the TLC network has tried to milk every ratings point and advertising dollar possible from the dissolution of the Gosselin family, stars of "Jon & Kate Plus Eight." And even though the parents are in the midst of a bitter divorce, and the family is crumbling, TLC continues to suckle at the teat of misery. There's a reason television producers and networks give us shows such as "Jerry Springer," "Rock of Love" and "Temptation Island." People watch. And those people have to bear part of the responsibility for what has happened to the Gosselin family and what's happening now with the Heene family. Certainly, the Heenes were going to be loons anyway - they reportedly believe they're descendants of aliens - but with no potential audience for their shenanigans, perhaps things wouldn't have gone this far.

Time to clean house

There’s a television show on the A&E network called "Hoarders." It delves into the lives of folks who have a compulsion that leads them to save anything and everything. Some of these sad folks specialize. One fellow collected stuff that he bought at hardware stores because he was convinced he would need it someday for household projects, which mostly never got done. There also was a lady who had grown up poor and now hoards food. Unfortunately, her house was full of rotting produce, canned goods that carried expiration dates from years ago and a refrigerator filled with unidentifiable materials in various states of decomposition. I have to plead guilty to a little hoarding of my own. It's not like the affliction of the people on the TV show. While I have no problem with common filth (just ask my wife), I hate clutter (except in my car). My weakness was for old e-mails. My Yahoo! account had something on the order of 5,000 old e-mails in it. Some of it was just neglect in not killing out junk. But some of it resulted from e-mails that I thought might contain a snippet of information, or an e-mail address, that I might need again someday. On Monday, I made the decision to clean it out, once and for all. I thought about a deliberate foray through all those old e-mails, trying to preserve those that really did have some nugget of import, but that would have taken hours and hours. So, finally, I killed them all in one fell swoop, with no regard for their content. And since then, as soon as I open an e-mail and read its contents, I kill it out of the system. Now it's time to grad a trash bag and head for the Lebaron.

A fool and his money are soon parted

As a story on Yahoo! News said today, anyone who think the "birthers" are going to quietly fade away is sorely mistaken. Now there's a new group pushing the idea that President Obama was not born in the United States and is, thus, illegally occupying the White House. The Yahoo! story says a Christian Web site called LivePrayer.com has produced an infomercial that will be trotted out in seven Southern states (of course) asking for $30 donations that will entitle the givers to have a fax with their name on it sent to the U.S. attorney general and all of his counterparts on the state level demanding an investigation of Obama's origins. Oh, they also get a "Got a Birth Certificate?" bumper sticker. Sweet. The LivePrayer.com outfit is led by a guy named Bill Keller, a born-again Christian who was once found guilty of insider trading on Wall Street. Who better to send your money to? Keller is working hand in hand with a lawyer named Gary Kreep (really) to distribute the infomercial, entitled "Where Was Obama Born." You can check out the lowlights here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_jZdkCFAUw In the infomercial, Mr. Kreep cites an unnamed expert who has written a 186-page dissertation on why Obama's certificate of live birth is a fake, and although it's neither here nor there, Keller, the guy who looks like a deranged Harpo Marx, appears to be wearing white socks with his suit. I'm just sayin'. They also make sure to call the president Barack HUSSEIN Obama. Of course. The birthers, as a group, are the dumbest of the dumb, but the really mentally deficient pinheads are the people who will send money to these sad-sack losers. But it appears they have a built-in market. The Yahoo! report cites a recent Public Policy Polling survey that found 42 percent of Republicans believe the president was born outside this country. Congratulations, GOP. You're now officially the party of the terminally and deliberately stupid. Let's be clear here. Obama has provided the aforementioned certificate of live birth that shows he was born in Hawaii. The state of Hawaii has certified that, yes, Obama was born in that state. Newspapers in Hawaii, at the time of Obama's birth, carried announcements of that birth, stating that it occurred IN HAWAII. At that time, who would have had any reason to lie about something like that? If Obama held a news conference tomorrow and handed the president of Fox News the precise documentation that the birthers are demanding, they'd just claim it was a forgery (note the 186-page dissertation cited above). But for those who are convinced that the president is a "furriner," please do get your "Got a Birth Certificate?" bumper sticker and slap it on your vehicles, because those of us who don't struggle to keep our own spit in our mouths would probably benefit by knowing when we're in the presence of mouth-breathing, cousin-humping droolers who still believe this junk.

Just shut up

It's probably safe to say that the less we hear from Mackenzie Phillips, the better. I find it hard to believe that very many people are interested in hearing anything she has to say. The "highlight" of her acting career was her role on the sitcom “One Day at a Time” back in the 1970s. Since then, she's been best known as a dope addict. But now, 30 years after the alleged "fact," Phillips is coming out with the allegation that her father, John Phillips of the musical group the Mamas and the Papas, raped her on the eve of her first marriage, and that they then had a decade-long consensual sexual relationship. John Phillips is dead and thus unable to defend himself. You have to wonder why Mackenzie Phillips sees the need to air this supposed filthy family laundry at this late date. Could she possibly be trying to help others who might have had sick relationships with family members? Anything's possible, I suppose. But consider these facts: Phillips issued her claims on “The Oprah Winfrey Show” just at the time when she’s releasing a book called “High on Arrival.” I'm going to go ahead and suspect that her real motivation is to make a buck. And she’s definitely not the only one who is guilty of providing too much information. As a people, we seem to have lost all grasp of the concept that some things are private and best kept to oneself. I avoid shows like “Entertainment Tonight” and “Inside Edition” like the plague because, frankly, I don’t give a damn about the private lives of actors, singers and other celebrities. Why does anyone care what these people, whom they don’t even know, do with their free time? I just don’t get it.

"Jackass of the Month" race too close to call

It seems some ABC news employees who were listening in on a conversation between President Obama and CNBC’s John Harwood before the start of an interview tweeted that Obama had some unkind words for Kanye West. For those who missed it, West mounted the stage at last weekend’s MTV Video Music Awards and commandeered the microphone from pop-country teen star Taylor Swift, who had just won the award for “Best Female Video.” West proclaimed to the crowd that Beyonce Knowles, not Swift, should have won the award. Well, it appears the president has the same opinion of West as most other people. On the audio feed that was listened in on by the ABC folks, Obama is asked why West would do what he did. Replied the president, “He’s a jackass.” Couldn’t have put it better myself. There’s been some debate about whether Obama’s remarks should have been reported, or shared on Twitter. But it’s really a tempest in a teapot. The real issue is the growing number of jackasses we encounter in our daily lives. Never in American history have people been as rude as they are today. Other recent examples are good old Joe Wilson and Serena Williams, who let loose with a threatening, F-bomb-laden tirade against a line judge a few days ago at the U.S. Open. Wilson and Williams have not been serial offenders, but it’s not the first time that West has climbed on an awards show stage to make his displeasure known. And has anybody else noticed that Kanye only complains when it’s a white person winning an award? Bill Maher said recently that we’re becoming a nation of stupid people (It’s getting harder and harder to dispute that.). It seems we’re also becoming a nation of really rude, angry people. Not a good combination.

First takes

After enduring the exhibition season, it was nice to sit down last night to watch an NFL game that actually meant something. The added bonus was the Steelers pulling out an overtime victory over the Titans. Here are a few thoughts I had while watching the game. Feel free to chip in with yours.

– Maybe it's just me, but I found it offensive that Nike is selling equipment touted as "Pro Combat." Combat? Really?

– The General Electric ads with the singing factory workers were great.

– Cris Collinsworth did a pretty fair job in his debut next to Al Michaels.

– Michaels remains solid, as always, but he's beginning to look like the picture of Dorian Gray.

– The Titans have a tough defense, but the Steelers’ offensive line had a heckuva time opening any holes, and the running backs didn't do much with the ones they did open.

– The Brett Favre Sears ad showed that Favre has a sense of humor and the ability to mock himself.

– Mewelde Moore was a solid contributor, but the formerly "Fast" Willie Parker looks as if he's slowing down, and Rashard Mendenhall is making me have unwelcome flashbacks to Greg Hawthorne and Tim Worley.

– Am I the only one who deliberately avoids all the pre-game hoopla and turns on the TV just in time for kickoff?

– It's tough to lose Troy Polamalu with an injury, but it's better than losing Ben Roethlisberger.

– Tom Brady, Drew Brees and Peyton Manning might post more impressive raw passing numbers, but if the chips are down, I'd rather have Roethlisberger under center.

This just in: Obama wants to eat our dogs and rape our cats

I watch a fair amount of comedy programming on television. Let's face it, life can be tough, and a few laughs don't hurt. But the funniest thing I've seen in ages was a commercial I caught last night. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxFC9Af3W1U In fact, I was laughing out loud, even though I don't think it was intended to produce that response. The ad in opposition to health-care reform was paid for by the Family Research Council. The group was founded by noted hatemonger Rev. James Dobson. I went to the FRC Web site, and for the life of me, I couldn't find any actual research. Perhaps they just periodically ask their followers if they still love Jesus and hate Obama. But back to the ad. It features an elderly couple sitting at a kitchen table and looking like they'd just eaten a truckload of cat droppings. The guy is holding a piece of paper that looks as if it came from the government. He says, "They won't pay for my surgery. To think that Planned Parenthood is included in the government-run health-care plan, and we’re spending tax dollars on abortion. They won't pay for my surgery, but we’re forced to pay for abortions." Pretty nifty how they managed to stuff the word "abortion" into the ad twice within five seconds. At that point, it looks as if he's going to get down on the floor and writhe about. Then, the voice of a breathless woman says, "Our greatest generation denied care. Our future generation denied life." She asks that you call your senator to make sure this reform effort is stopped in its tracks. As I understand it, no one is going to be required to sign on with a plan that covers abortions. And do these people really think that there are not already health insurance companies that cover abortions? Also, if you don't like the public option that could come to fruition, don't choose it. And if you don't want an abortion, don't have one. Honestly, I hadn't seen this much hysteria, fearmongering and misinformation in a 30-second ad since the Bush re-election campaign in 2004. And, lo and behold, I heard last night that the old "turd blossom" himself, Karl Rove, has signed on to help the Republicans kill health-care reform. I'm sure more great comedy programming lies ahead.

The wild, wacky world of Pittsburgh sports

There are a couple of big stories today in the world of Pittsburgh sports. For one, the Pirates have unloaded the albatross known as Adam LaRoche. I have included in this post, for your enjoyment and wonder, a photo of LaRoche actually making contact with a baseball. The guy looked like a sure bet to be a 35-homer, 100-RBI guy when the Pirates acquired him from the Braves, but he’s been a huge disappointment. After two seasons in which he fell well short of expectations and apparently didn’t realize that the season starts in April, not July, the Pirates, in the past offseason, gave the guy a $7 million contract. And LaRoche responded by hitting .247 with a paltry 12 homers and 81 strikeouts in 87 games. LaRoche is a slick fielder at first base, but the Bucs acquired him for his bat. Now Red Sox fans can watch him and pull their hair out. In exchange for LaRoche, the Sox sent the Pirates two low-level minor leaguers, including a shortstop who is hitting .253 with zero homers at Class AA. The Bucs also got a Single A pitcher. I frequently rip the Pirates for trading away talented players and getting next to nothing in return, but in this case, a can of Spam and a tampon applicator would have been sufficient. Now we can all wait and see what the Pirates’ “brain trust” decides to do with second baseman Freddy Sanchez and shortstop Jack Wilson, arguably the two biggest fan favorites on the team. Sanchez is a legitimate all-star, and Wilson is a great defensive shortstop who is adequate at the plate. The Nutting family recently made a show of their so-called efforts to sign Sanchez and Wilson to contract extensions, but the offers were laughable. They were clearly made so that when the Nuttings send Sanchez and Wilson packing in exchange for the figurative bucket of balls, they can say, “We wanted to keep them around, but they wouldn’t sign an extension.” And it’s not like the Bucs have anyone else to plug into those positions. No one on the roster or in their minor-league system is ready to be an everyday major league middle infielder. The Nuttings, at that point, will officially be putting a Triple-A quality product on the field and charging you major league money for it. We are well past the point when anyone in his right mind would put money into the pockets of the Nutting family. If Sanchez and Wilson go, it should be even more clear.

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The other big sports story in Pittsburgh is really a non-story. Some hotel clerk in Las Vegas has filed a lawsuit claiming that a year ago, Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger raped her in his room at a Lake Tahoe hotel and casino. I won’t go into the details of her allegations, because the story has already been beaten to death in the local media. But here’s a question: Does anyone really believe this woman? She never called police to report an assault, and just before the statute of limitations on a civil action was about to run out, she files a suit seeking more than $400,000 in damages. Hmmmmm. Another angle of this story is the media coverage it has received. We all know that if a Steelers player, especially a star player, has so much as an irregular bowel movement, we get breathless “team coverage” of the important “breaking news.” The TV stations, of course, are going totally bat@#$% crazy over the Roethlisberger story. As one commenter pointed out elsewhere on the blog, they’re even sending reporters to Las Vegas to get to the bottom of this. The correct approach to this story would have been to report it once and then give it the coverage it deserves, which is to be totally ignored until the case comes to trial, is settled or is dismissed. Enough already.